#3 Things I Wish I Knew Earlier: Regaining trust is incremental, losing trust is dynamic.

When I entered the program, I knew that I was serious about doing whatever it took to win the struggle over this addiction. The trouble is, I was serious about stopping when I got caught before. I bet if you put me up to a lie detector, I would have passed with flying colors.
This time was different though, because instead of doing it on my own, I found a group of people who were suffering the same way that I did, and I had a plan for success, other than adding filters and white knuckling it.
It was hard, and not without failure, but I grew stronger in recovery. Turning my addiction over to a Higher Power, having the help of many in my groups and having a great spiritual counselor have helped me to gain control over something which was formerly beyond my control.
I was confident, but my partner remained skeptical. I was resentful to the fact that with all the work I did in the program, that she could not see that I had made progress to the extent that I did.
Looking at this from her perspective, I can see how, after being lied to befor and greatly hurt, she deserved to be cautious of my recovery this time.
Over time, I saw things take a turn for the better, incrementally, as I was consistently able to prove myself, not in big things, but in little things, making dinner, being where I should be, and being honest.
On the other had, I learned that the level lost for a small failure is much more dynamic then the level of trust gained for a small success. Failing to live up to small things resulted in a much greater loss of trust.
I did find that this dynamism lessened over time, and I could have failures without losing all the trust I gained over months.
Keep the course, trust does grow over time.

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